You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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