The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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