They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You're like the curious george of whores
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
