There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
