I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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