thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
