that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
