where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
