Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
