I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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