Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
