Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
