shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
