Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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