Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize