that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
