I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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