Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
