i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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