Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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