remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
