everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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