My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize