i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize