opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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