and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Your penis caused this!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize