My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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