Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
