Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
