hotel room ftw
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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