Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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