She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
so much tequila, so little girl.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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