i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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