So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
