I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
if only i could text you this smell
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i will never coherently bang her
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
