it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
