Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
