I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
