ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
