On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
