I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize