My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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