A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
