You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize