Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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