it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
