he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
