3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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