he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
ok first of all what the fuck
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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