I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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