i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My pussy is not your playground.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
