you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
