last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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