Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
