You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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