The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
