So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
