I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
