Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
