I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize