Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
